What’s going on in your life right now? Are there specific issues that have held you back for years?
Maybe you’ve tried all kinds of personal development tools or techniques to help you overcome your struggles and move forwards: affirmations, nlp, eft, visualisation, journalling, positive thinking. But still, you find yourself more or less in the exact same place – stuck.
Just because one technique works for one person, it doesn’t mean that it’s going to work in the same way for someone else. But on the other hand, it also doesn’t mean that because it hasn’t worked for one person, it’s a rubbish tool and it won’t work for anyone.
Each to their own, as the saying goes
Everyone is different and as expected, have different needs. And sometimes, it takes trying and testing a few different methods to find the right one that’s a perfect fit for you. It might turn out that you need to use a few different approaches rather than just one.
For example, one way coaches help their clients to make changes in their lives is by simply asking questions. They ask various questions to challenge their way of thinking, help them to change their perspectives on certain issues and even to hold them accountable to their truth and what they say they want in life.
As long as the clients answer the questions as openly and honestly as they can, it can help them overcome any stumbling blocks that seem to stop them from making progress.
Sometimes, however, no matter how powerful a question, you can still end up holding back and not take the action you want. Even though the questions asked serve to keep you focused on your values, goals and desires, there’s something that gets in the way.
Whatever that something is, who knows, but there are times when all it takes is hearing something in a completely different way for you to get anything from it. For example, you could have one coach helping two people with similar goals. One person is making great progress in their lives and the other is still struggling.
One possible reason for this is that the way the coach speaks, what she says and how she says it really hits home with one person, whereas for the other, it doesn’t have the same effect.
That doesn’t mean the coach isn’t good at what she does, it just means that this particular person needs to hear what the coach is saying, but in a different way. It could even mean that the person is resistant to making certain changes but that’s another matter.
Sometimes, it’s nothing to do with a coach or anyone else. You’re simply asking yourself questions that aren’t helpful and keep you going around in circles.
Try asking these 2 questions instead
As I said, asking questions can be very effective. It’s what we do pretty much every day and so I’m going to ask you some questions. But the way in which I’ll ask them is going to be very different. I wouldn’t be surprised If you found them downright bizarre.
All I’m doing is turning the usual way of asking questions on its head. But you might find them useful in helping you to take whatever action you need to take in order to make changes within yourself and your life.
So my questions to you are:
- How much frustration would you like to experience today?
- What would you like to have regrets about next year?
Bear in mind that I haven’t asked these questions to encourage you to run away from what’s not right in your life right now, instead, I’ve asked them to remind you. They’re to remind you that if you’re frustrated by a certain situation, that frustration will continue as long as you don’t do anything about it.
Now when I say do something about it, that could be anything from working on letting go of the resistance you have towards that thing and accepting that this is how it is in this moment, to implementing a series of practical steps to help you move forwards.
Some people may not even like these questions because as far as they’re concerned, I’m getting you to ‘focus on the negative’. There’s no harm, however, in looking at what doesn’t feel quite right in order to then find solutions.
What do you find yourself saying immediately after asking the two questions above? Maybe you say…
“But I don’t want to experience any frustrations today!” or “I don’t want to have any regrets next year!”
What may happen next, is that you’ll think about the things over which you tend to experience frustration the most and then you’ll mind will go to possible solutions to lessen the likelihood of that happening.
Of course, you don’t know about everything that’s going to happen during the course of your entire day—we don’t have control over everything after all. But if you consider how you’re most likely to react in a range of situations, you may come up with a great answer.
As for the second question, ask that every day, and you’ll most likely find yourself starting to take steps, even tiny ones, to do the thing or things that you know you’ll have regrets about in a year’s time if you don’t do anything about them now.
I’m not saying these questions are the perfect solution to help you but try them out. If they help you to focus more on possible solutions and take action as a result, that’s all that matters.
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