How many times have you cursed in your own mind or under your breath because you didn’t do that thing you wanted to do, again. Despite wanting to do things differently this time around, you acted in the exact same way as you have done countless times before and it’s so frustrating.
You’re shy and you’ve been that way for as long as you can remember and boy is it a hindrance. It’s stopped you from making new friends, sitting in a coffee shop by yourself, saying yes to that date, going to a party, asking for directions.
And the big one… being yourself.
Yep, that shyness of yours has held you back for years but you want to live your life. You’re fed up of watching from the sidelines and seeing people around you do all the things you haven’t been able to do or just struggled to do so effortlessly. As far as you’re concerned, it’s time.
You need to overcome your shyness once and for all but before you go down that path, let me give you five reasons why you really don’t need to overcome or get rid of your shyness – at all.
Being shy is not bad thing
It really isn’t. It can definitely be hard to agree with this statement if you’ve been struggling with shyness for years and you feel as though it’s been the bane of your life. I mean, where would you be now if it wasn’t for this debilitating side of yourself that surfaces when you least want it to?
So yes, it can seem like it’s one of the worst things in your life right now but perhaps seeing it as a bad thing – a problem – just makes your situation worse. Carrying this ‘stigma’ as a shy person only results in you thinking there’s something wrong with you when that’s not the case at all.
You’re not alone
I know, I know, how can this possibly help. It helps because we can often feel as though we’re the only one going through something when that’s hardly ever the case. It’s as if your mind blocks out the fact that there are hundreds, thousands or even hundreds of thousands of people just like you going through the same or similar experience.
You may feel misunderstood or not understood at all but there is and will always be someone who gets you and who sees you as someone who’s good enough exactly as you are.
Shy doesn’t mean incapable
It doesn’t mean you’re incapable. You can still do more than you think you’re capable of, shy or not. In fact, I bet there are many things you do as a shy person that you’re completely overlooking. All that focus on your shyness means that’s all you mainly see, your shyness.
Take Rhod Gilbert, for example, he’s a British comedian who suffers from shyness and has done since he was young but still, he’s been able to get up on stage and perform in front of people effortlessly – a lot of people.
Don’t discredit all the things you CAN do. I bet there are plenty.
You’re a great person
Whether you believe it or not. Whether you feel it or not, you really are a great person. Your shyness doesn’t have to define you. In fact, it doesn’t, the end. You are a multi-faceted person so there are other aspects of your personality that are currently overshadowed.
They’re still there and i’m pretty certain many people would absolutely love those sides of you. Just because they’re hidden away, it doesn’t mean they’re no longer there.
Your shyness is not the root of your problems
Here’s the big surprise. Your shyness isn’t the problem why you’ve held back for years. You’re not even the problem. It’s the thoughts you’ve been having in different situations that have stopped you from taking action.
If, as some research suggests, your shyness is caused by genetic factors, that’s another matter but as an adult, you have the ability to make many changes, even if it’s on a small scale, in your life and as you may or may not already know, your thoughts and words hold great power over you.
Can you think back to a time when you wanted to talk to someone but felt too shy to do it? What thoughts were running through your mind? Did you worry about what the person would think of you? Whether they would even like you? Or maybe you worried that you’d say or do something stupid.
THAT’S what stopped you in your tracks. Those thoughts, not necessarily any shyness. Shyness is a label people use. Your thoughts are what can help or hinder you throughout life.
So my suggestion is for you to direct your focus away from being shy and overcoming it and turn it more towards owning who you are. The more you own who you are, the more confidence you’ll start to feel.
It’s not necessarily the fastest approach to feeling inner confidence but owning who you are and are and feeling more confident go hand in hand.
Have you listened in to my Quick Bites? They’re super short and offer encouragement, inspiration and reminders to help you own who you are. Come and listen in.