No matter where you are in life right now, it’s likely that at some point along the way confidence has been an issue for you.
It could be something specific or something a bit more general, but either way there’s something you haven’t managed to do in the way that you’d like. You find yourself stalling, moving forwards too slowly, or worse, going backwards instead of making progress. When that happens, how many times have you found yourself declaring that you need to work on your confidence—either to yourself or others?
Whether it’s once, a few times or even hundreds of times, you’ve probably started thinking about, and searching for, ways to increase your confidence. Books, courses, workshops and maybe even using natural products to help relax you and aid in decreasing any anxiety you’ve felt. Maybe you decided to simply adopt the ‘just do it’ rule.
None of those things are bad. If you find something that can help you in some way then use it, but what if the fact that you’re stagnant or your slow progress were nothing to do with a lack of confidence in the first place?
I’m not saying that you have never felt as though your confidence is low, but here me out on this one because something just came to me recently (as is often the case), and it made me think “oh, of course!” Especially given that confidence isn’t something I’ve focused on over the last couple of years or so. Maybe twice at the most.
You may or may not know that The Confidence Haven encourages focusing less on confidence in order to make progress, so yes the name seems somewhat ironic but I digress…
The point is we can sometimes turn confidence into this big deal and then waste our time trying to fix this ‘problem’ that we created in the first place.
You see, things have been a bit start/stop here at The Confidence Haven so things haven’t been moving forward in the way that I thought they would. I knew I wanted the website and blog to be centred around quiet/shy/introvert women, confidence and making changes in life. I’ve had many ideas as to what I could put out there, but that’s been the problem all along.
I could’ve convinced myself that it’s a confidence issue; that I need to develop more confidence in order to put myself ‘out there’ and move things forward. But as I said, I’ve barely thought about becoming more confident for a couple of years or so, and I already knew that it wasn’t about that. At least, not in this particular situation.
That’s where my ‘of course!’ moment comes in.
You don’t have a confidence issue
If you can, in any way, relate to thinking you have confidence issues when you’re not making the progress you want, then you might be wondering what else it could be if it’s not a confidence problem. After all, everyone needs big doses of it, don’t they? Well, yes, it’s good for people to feel confident within themselves, but there’s another ‘C’ word that’s just as important…
Yep, being clear on the direction in which you’re heading. Some people might define it as having a clear goal or aim in mind. That doesn’t mean that everything will move along and eventually turn out exactly as you’ve planned, but knowing what you’re aiming for (and why) makes all the difference.
And that’s where the stopping/starting came in. Yes, I knew I wanted to start this website/blog, and yes I’ve had a number of ideas, but the thing that ‘hit’ me just the other day was that that’s all I’ve mainly had for The Confidence Haven: lot’s of Ideas.
It’s a bit like wanting to go somewhere in London but not knowing exactly where, so what do you do? You wander around as you try to decide where to go. You could make up your mind as you wander along, but if not you’ll confuse yourself and end up all over the place and feeling lost, or just giving up.
Another thing is that you may think you have a clear aim in mind, but if that goal isn’t in line with whatever is truly important to you at this point in time things might feel off in some way.
So with all of that in mind, I’d like to ask you a couple of questions…
1. If you’re currently in a position where there’s something you would like to do but you’re not quite making the progress you desire, a) do you have a clear or hazy idea? and b) how certain are you that what you want to do is value-based?
In other words, are you doing it because it’s in line with who you are and what you really want, or is it based on what others say you should do or what they expect of you?
2. If you’re still reading this post, then I’ll presume you consider yourself to be a shy, quiet and/or introverted woman who has issues with confidence. If that’s the case, what would you like more of here at The Confidence Haven? Let me know through the contact page.
It may turn out that it really isn’t a clarity issue after all but a confidence issue and if that’s the case, I’m going to invite you to read my other post about why you don’t have to try to be confident anymore.
And if you’d like to hang around and be a part of The Confidence Haven community, add your name.