What do you want?
Such a simple question but it can create a heap of confusion in the mind of the person being asked.
Maybe it’s not even confusion, just a no-clue feeling because you really do feel as though you have absolutely no idea.
What do you want to eat?
Where do you want to go?
What do you want to listen to?
Those types of questions are all a little bit easier to answer, no? But what do you want in life?…
Can be a bit more difficult to answer. It’s still a relatively simple question but encompasses a whole lot more because… it’s your life.
It’s not just about the little things you want on a day to day basis, it’s about what you REALLY want.
It’s almost as big a question as being asked what you want to do when you grow up. If anything, it’s actually a lot bigger because it’s not about what you think it’s OK to want… what everyone else has or in other words, keeping up with the joneses.
It’s about ignoring all the stuff people say you should have and focusing solely on what you want – what you really want. It’s the stuff you might be scared to admit to. That thing or those things you haven’t even acknowledged properly to yourself.
I’m not talking about being selfish though. It’s all well and good thinking about yourself – you need to take care of your needs after all otherwise, resentment and frustration will kick in – but I would never suggest you turn your back on the people that matter to you.
The call is yours to make. There may be people you’re close to who you feel held back by and you would have to decide what happens in that situation.
See them less?
Not see them at all?
Carry on as normal?
Only YOU can decide.
But what if you’re having trouble figuring out what you want?
Here’s a suggestion for you… forget about it. Put it aside. Forget about trying to figure anything out.
You might be wondering HOW that could possibly help but if trying to work out what you want hasn’t helped so far – answers are not coming through – then drop it and turn your focus elsewhere.
What DON’T you want?
I know the positive thinkers and law of attraction people will see this as THE most dreadful idea – ever. But here’s why i’m making the suggestion…
When people are asked what they want, they often times don’t know because they may not have given the question any real thought prior to being asked, so they can only state what they don’t want.
Can you think of a few don’t-wants in your life right now? I bet you could reel off a long list.
Those don’t-wants are actually quite useful because if you don’t want something, then you must want the opposite, right?
So your don’t-wants are leading you to your wants.
And that’s my suggestion for you. If you’re having difficulty figuring out what you want in life, think, temporarily, about all the things you don’t want in various areas of your life and let them act as your guide towards clarity.
That doesn’t mean you’ll be stuck with whatever you say you do want for the rest of your life. You’re free to change your mind at any time but having a clear idea in your mind will help you to get clear on the things that are important to you in this phase of your life.
Knowing what’s important to you is a big part of knowing who you are and it will help you to start feeling more confidence within yourself too.
The only thing is, admitting what you want can feel scary because once you admit it, it’s difficult to turn away and forget about it but why would you want to ignore what you want?
Because if you don’t think you can have, do or be that thing, what’s the point? Admitting it to yourself or even others and then constantly thinking about it is only going to create an undeniable yearning that quickly turns into an ache. An ache that you don’t know how to or think you can soothe, preferably by doing something about it.
What if it means walking away from a relationship? What if it means leaving a job?…
What if it means doing the opposite of what you told people you wanted?
It could get really uncomfortable leaning into your wants. Really awkward. Really… embarrassing…
Acknowledging your wants doesn’t mean you HAVE to do anything at all. The main thing is that you’re truthful to yourself but yes, there’s a good chance you’ll want to do something about it once you’ve admitted what you really want.
If that’s the case, think about all the regret you’ll accumulate if you turn your back on your wants. Think 3/5/10 years down the line. What will you be saying to yourself then? Something along the lines of I wish… if only…
Yes, taking action on your wants can feel challenging but having a ton of regret can feel depressing.
Take small amounts of action if you have to. Taking action and failing is much better than not doing anything about your wants and then wondering what could have happened if you at least tried.
Have you listened to my Quick Bites? You’ll get small doses of encouragement, inspiration and reminders to help you own who you are. Come and listen in.