It wouldn’t be very realistic for me to suggest you don’t ask any questions ever again.
A lot of things just wouldn’t work anymore. You’d be more confused than ever. Imagine someone wanting their gorgeous partner to ‘pop the question’. It would never happen. It would have to be something a lot less romantic.
‘Let’s get married’.
If they want romance, they’d hardly be impressed but I digress…
The point is, you CAN keep asking questions and that’s not me giving you permission. That’s me acknowledging the fact that you already know it just wouldn’t work to cut them out of your everyday vocabulary.
So what questions am I talking about? Because there definitely are some questions that you sometimes don’t need to ask even though you think you do.
The reason why you don’t need to ask is because if you gave yourself a chance, you’d come up with the answer yourself.
In fact, sometimes, you ALREADY know the answer but you ignore it and convince yourself that you don’t know all because of the belief that maybe it’s the wrong one or maybe you need someone else to give it the thumbs up first.
In other words, you want validation – to be told that yeah that’s fine, that’s the right answer… the right thing for you to do.
It’s how most of us were raised after all. We spent most of the time listening to others tell us what to do, how to do it and when. Even as an adult you still experience the same thing when you’re at work.
But i’m not saying that we shouldn’t learn anything from other people, what I am saying is that when it comes to things we want to do in our lives… with ourselves, we often ask…
How do I?
What d’you think about…?
Now, there’s nothing wrong with those questions, it just depends on why your asking and WHAT you’re asking about.
If you don’t know how to bake a cake and you want someone to show you, then a ‘how do I bake…’ question is a perfectly fine question to ask.
There are way too many things we all don’t know how to do for us to never ask a how-to question but if you’re asking someone how you should live your life, if you should change your job, how someone did something that you already know you can do, then there really is no need to ask in the first place.
You don’t need to ask because your asking is permission-seeking dressed up as a question. In fact, the next time you go to ask a question about something you already have the answers to (and are really seeking validation), I dare you to tell the truth.
I dare you to say, ‘I need your permission to do *this thing* please because I don’t feel confident enough or I don’t trust myself enough to make the decision alone’.
You’re not going to are you? Or maybe you might.
Sounds a bit harsh really but i’m not excluding myself from this behaviour. We all do it from time to time, some much more than others.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a bit of guidance and support but let’s work on talking with a lot more conviction from now on shall we?
Let’s decide for ourselves what we want to do and then focus on doing exactly that. Let’s tell people what we’re going to do rather than ‘tell them’, in other words, ask them a ton of permission-based questions.
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